I originally attempted blogging in 2015, during a very emotionally charged and difficult time in my life.
I tried picking it back up in 2018, then in 2020, bringing us to today, August 3, 2022.
The emotionally charged and difficult time in my life paled in comparison to the torment that was about to reign down on us. One could never predict what would happen late in 2015.
Anorexia invaded our lives, our home, and our peace, the year my youngest daughter turned 10 years of age. My oldest daughter would be diagnosed with anorexia a year later.
In 2015, my husband and I dove headlong into research and anything we could read or listen to on eating disorders. My bookshelf presently reminds me of the heartache and hopelessness that raided our lives. For the next seven years, we would immerse ourselves in knowledge-building, prayers, incantations, and mantras to survive. Doctor’s appointments, psychiatrist appointments, therapy appointments, and hospital stays crowded our calendar. The rest of the time was spent grocery shopping, making meals, meal support, cleaning up after meals, supervising after meals, rinse and repeat.
Everything became about anorexia. Anorexia demanded it!
Anorexia is an unseen counterintuitive enemy. During the worst times, it loomed as a huge black tar-like cloud that threatened to smother and block out the light forever. A constant threat and a thief of joy and youth.
Lately, I have been contemplating the idea that anorexia may always be with us on some level. Although that may seem hopeless, there is a sense of relief in acceptance. Knowing what our reality could be guards against complacency.
We have witnessed some extraordinary healing and resilience in the lives of our children. They have gotten to the place where they desire recovery for themselves. That is a miracle! Presently, anorexia’s voice is more like a whisper barely heard from the dark corners of the troubled mind.
As parents, we work and pray that our voices are and always will be louder than the thief’s. We will never stop advocating for our children and fighting for them when they are unable to fight for themselves.
We will not stop! Ever! They are worth it. They deserve a future and to be free.
Over the last seven years, I have kept accounts of the ups and downs of being a caregiver. Journaling my inmost thoughts and prayers during the most difficult times. Finding solace in nature and journaling has helped me keep my sanity.
I am not an expert. I am a mom who hopes that my ramblings may help others not feel so alone.
